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How to help your adult children in a gray divorce

On Behalf of | Oct 16, 2023 | Family Law

Gray divorce, the dissolution of a marriage later in life, can be a significant life event not just for the couple but also for their adult children. A 2022 study in the Oxford University Press revealed that 36% of divorces involve couples over the age of 50, so this may be an issue for an increasing number of families.

You may not think about how it will impact your children because they are adults. However, the adjustment for them can be a serious issue. You should seek to help them navigate this transition more smoothly.

Open communication

Begin by having honest and open conversations with your adult children. Let them know about the divorce and the reasons behind it, and keep the lines of communication open for them to express their feelings, concerns and questions.

Reassure them

Assure your adult children that your love for them remains unchanged. Emphasize that the divorce is a decision between you and your spouse and that it does not reflect on your relationship with them.

Respect their feelings

Everyone processes divorce differently, and your adult children may experience a range of emotions. Some may feel relief, while others may be deeply saddened or angry, but you should respect their feelings and provide a safe space for them to share without judgment.

Offer emotional support

Be there for your adult children emotionally by offering a listening ear, validating their feelings and providing reassurance. Let them know that their emotions are normal, and it is okay to grieve the loss of their family unit.

Avoid blame

Keep adult children out of any conflicts or blame games and avoid speaking negatively about your ex-spouse as it can create additional stress for your children. Instead, focus on constructive communication.

Maintain stability

In a gray divorce, there may be significant changes, such as selling the family home or dividing assets. Do your best to maintain stability in your relationship with your adult children. Ensure they have a sense of home and a place to visit.

Respect boundaries

Your adult children may need time to adjust to the new dynamics of their parents’ relationship. Respect their boundaries and the amount of involvement they feel comfortable with as you move forward.

Gray divorces can be challenging even for adult children. This is a huge change, and even though they are adults, you are still the parent. Offering understanding and support through this experience period can make it a time of healing and avoid future relationship issues between you and them.